I have had to instil in Bunny, after a recent foray into the retail world, the top ten lessons one needs to learn in order to be a stellar shopkeeper. I was helping my dear friend Dot out of a spot of bother, and agreed to look after her store in the local mall, and given I am an Au Pair, by necessity, was accompanied by Bunny.
Bunny now considers himself quite the sage in matters of all things retail, and in selling ones wares to the discerning public. I, however, beg to differ, and after laying out these lessons for Bunny to learn from, I can be found locked in my room with a damp flannel across my worried brow. Bunny need not speak to me for the foreseeable future.
Without further ado, top ten lessons as needs to be learnt by Bunny:
It is unacceptable behaviour to steal babies in prams in an attempt to lure their mothers into the General Store.
It is unacceptable behaviour to wheel clamp said prams whilst mothers are in the Store, in an attempt to keep them from leaving.
Upselling does not actually mean sneaking more items into the bag with other purchases.
Whilst working in shopping malls, one must not joy ride on trolleys. It is not only dangerous, particularly on down ramps in car parks, but it appears to upset trolley boys.
One must never, under any circumstances, repeat the Au Pair's private conversations to fellow shopkeepers, particularly when those conversations are about other fellow shopkeepers diabolical choice in attire, and their penchant for tattoos that they will inevitably regret later in life.
Although it may have seemed like a good idea at the time, stealing trolley boys ocky straps in an attempt to turn them into bungee ropes so as one can bungee through the mall's centre atrium only leads to very angry trolley boys.
Endeavouring to expand the public’s cultural mind by hijacking the central Personal Announcement System and becoming “DJ for a Day” is not tolerable conduct.
Locking the Au Pair in the storeroom overnight can be deemed as a punishable act.
Asking large ladies when they are due requires discretion and forethought. Not all large ladies are indeed “with child”.
One must always, always, always tell a mother her baby is gorgeous, despite what one may truly think.
Yours in angst