An unfortunate incident - from the diary of an Au Pair
On a recent foray to the high street with a certain Bunny of the mischievous kind, it is my regret to inform you that said Bunny has had a run in with the boys in blue. Yes, I deceive you not. My wee charge has fallen onto the wrong side of the law.
You see, as is my wont, I can be rather vocal about the passing parade of humanity - a regrettable mistake when in the presence of a Bunny with rather large ears. And so, on commenting about the many faux pas' of the fashion kind that were paraded before my very eyes on our way to E. Smythe-Edwards - Purveyor of Fine Foods, I do believe I may have set those ears a-flapping.
Upon our return to Number 22 Willow Lane, Bunny got his little paws on my portable phone which I had left (temptingly) on the sideboard and with said paws deftly poised, he did dial that number that contains naught but three noughts.
And so followed the encounter with the thin blue line. It unfolded thus:
Boys in Blue: “Emergency. How can we assist?”
Bunny: “Good afternoon occifer. Why no 'hello'? Are you having a bad day? Au Pair always told me to greet people with a friendly hello.”
Boys in Blue: “Do you have an emergency?”
Bunny: “Well, I do indeed. May I please speak to an occifer from your Fashion Police Department?”
Boys in Blue: “What? We don’t have a Fashion Police Department. Young man, is this some sort of prank. You do realise we can charge you for wasting police time.”
Bunny: “Occifer, this is far from a prank. A very serious offence has been committed. Or so Au Pair says. You see I overheard her saying that there are people murdering style and it was about time the Fashion Police did something about it.”
Boys in Blue: “Please get off the line, boy! This number is for emergencies only. As I said, there is no Fashion Police Department.”
Bunny: “Really? But clearly there is a need for Fashion Police. Maybe Au Pair and I could become fashion detectives. We are terribly stylish. Au Pair is very good at telling people they really shouldn’t wear lycra. I myself look terribly fetching in a uniform and I do so love to wield a baton."
Boys in Blue: “Is there an adult in the room with you? Put them on!”
Bunny: “Well there is a giraffe. Will he do? He is terribly shy though.”
Boys in Blue: “I must insist you hang up the phone now!”
Bunny: “Oh dear, you are having a bad day. You seem so terribly grumpy. Before I go, could I just ask you about capsicum spray. Is it some strange form of salad dressing? I hear it talked about on the news but it never seems to be mentioned in the same sentence as salad. And indeed if you are using capsicum as a way of thwarting villains, surely throwing a capsicum whole, rather than making a salad dressing of it would be far more helpful. And indeed, perhaps not a capsicum, but an overripe banana instead. Much more bang for your buck. Kind of a pie in the face effect with the mushy banana and then a banana skin on which to slip up said fiend. Two for one. It’s genius. Anyway, I digress…”
BEEP BEEP BEEP
Needless to say, Bunny’s dialling rights have been revoked until further notice.
Yours in much frustration,