10 things you always wanted to know about Bunny by the Inimitable Bunny
Bunny denies any relation, genetically or otherwise to that rather insulting excuse for a buck, Peter. It has come to his knowledge that rumours are being spread claiming that Peter Rabbit and himself are brothers! Bunny would like to say that anyone with any class or pedigree can indeed see the idea is preposterous.
Bunny’s Meadow Friends are not toys as Au Pair would have him believe, but are indeed very real. Why, not only have said Bunny and the Friends cohabited the Nursery together, but they are soon to star in their very own reality animation. Then won’t Au Pair have egg on her face…oh that’s right, she already has, at breakfast this morning, when I “accidentally” shot the contents of my egg cup across the table with my slingshot.
Trolleyboys are overrated. Anyone can operate those tractor thingys with a little practice. Disclaimer: Bunny denies any dents or scratches on vehicles parked in the Village Grocer’s car park are the result of Bunny’s practicings on said tractor thingy.
Bunny has studied architecture and is an honorary member of the AIA and winner of the Pritzker Architecture Prize (although he is yet to receive his award) for a work entitled Royal Tarzan. This piece of mastery involved very delicate layering and construction of an entire set of Au Pair’s Royal Albert dinnerware, consolidated and cohesed with a multitude of Tarzan Grip tubes of adhesive. Au Pair is yet to discover the masterpiece, though she has often been heard to ask in bewilderment as to the whereabouts of her prized dinnerware set.
Bunny is a fashion artiste to challenge the talent of the likes of Jean Paul Gaultier (who Bunny refers to as “that French git”). The git’s muse Madonna has nothing on Bunny’s muse, Meadow Friend Giraffe. After all, who could possibly surpass such a sight as Giraffe donning a rather spectacular polyester jumpsuit created entirely with a glue gun and sequins featuring the warning: jumpsuit must never come within 1km of an open flame.
Although for all appearances Bunny is an orphan, his lineage, in his own words, leans more to the ilk of true blue blooded aristocracy. Although one is led to believe that the Windsors had a tendency to bestow their love of animals on corgis and horses, there is in fact an entire floor of Buck House devoted to furry friends of the lapin varietal (who are, after all, referred to as “bucks”). In fact, the Queen’s friend of choice is not in fact Philip, but a small bunny named Esmerelda (Esme to HRH) believed to be the mama of Bunny.
David Attenborough has filmed a complete series devoted entirely to the world of Bunny, entitled “I want to come back as Bunny”.
Bunny has been invited to compete on X-Factor. He declined due to unfair talent advantage, and the fact that he would inevitably win as Dannii Minogue has a very well known bunny crush on him.
Au Pair is actually an alien programmed to look after Bunny, by Bunny himself.
Bunny is an intellectual though oft misunderstood genius. After all, who else can invent the likes of the engineering masterpiece below.
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